What did we do to deserve dogs? They love us unconditionally, and they’re generally joyous and optimistic. Meanwhile, some of them are even intelligent and resilient enough to be utilized as police dogs. But all those sniffing, searching and savaging skills don’t just pop up overnight. These specialist K-9 units are intensely trained from pup-hood to full-grown bark-machine, and the photographs of their early stages are just too adorable.
Take this first little woof-warrior, for example. Don’t you just want to pick him up and carry him around like a handbag? D’awww… you’ll grow into it soon little buddy, don’t worry. In fact, one day you’ll be a fully grown doggo – all proud and strong. Who’ll be laughing then? Not us, of course. We’re too busy dying of cuteness overload.
Dog: “Is K-9 now?”
Cop: “Not yet, kid. You’re still just a pup.”
Dog: “When is K-9?”
Cop: “Not until you take down your first bad guy.”
Dog: “Bring pup bad guy. Pup not scared. Pup will bite and bark. Yip!”
The final test to pass at K-9 training school is, in fact, an epic tug of war to decide who gets bragging rights. This is a snapshot of the great trouser-leg standoff of 1998. It lasted for six days.
Dog: *Bouncing* “Happy happy doggy dog. One day I be biggy dog. Biggy dog is happy dog. Happy happy biggy dog.”
Cop: “I find it absolutely baffling that you can talk.”
Dog: “Bark the police coming straight from the underground. A young pupper got it bad cos I’m brown.”
Cop: “Did you have to teach him to rap? It’s super inappropriate Clive. He keeps barking ‘Alphabet Aerobics’ when I do roadside DUI tests.”
Little-known fact: this is how K-9 puppies are grown. They take the helmets of retired policemen, fill them with sugar, spice and a tiny dog egg (those are the white dog poops you sometimes see), and then they let nature take its course.
Look how angry this guy is that someone glued a piece of ham to his dog’s snout. That is emphatically a braced, ready-for-vengeance squat if we’ve ever seen one. Don’t ham this guy’s dog, people. Never ham this guy’s dog.
You know those “hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil” monkeys? Well, this, of course, is the K-9 version: “There is no evil, how can anything be evil? We’ve forgotten what evil is due to floof intoxication.”
Hats off to this little fellah. He’s managed to look incredibly adorable, despite having just eaten an entire policeman. Where does he even put it? That certainly gives you paws for thought, doesn’t it?
This K-9 pup is obviously beginning to think she has made a mistake. Everyone told her not to get a pedicure the day before training started, but would she listen? Well, no, because she hasn’t been trained yet.
“I was just larkin’ and barkin’, minding my own business, you know?”
“I know it.”
“And then this guy points a weird box thing at me.”
“The flashy one with the snappy sounds?”
“That’s it, yeah. I just stopped in my tracks and was like, ‘You want a piece of me, pal?’”
Every once in a while, a hero emerges from the ranks of the K-9 kingdom. That hero is chiefly prized for their stoicism, cuteness and friendship skills. This is the story of Court Dog – sniffing out creeps like a bowl full of treats. Of course.
Dog: “So, then, what are we looking for today, Mike? Heroin? Guns? Bombs?”
Cop: “Just seeds or food. Sorry to disappoint.”
Dog: “All I can smell is farts anyway. That’s me. I farted. That’s what I was hinting at. I need to go out, Mike. Soon.”
In their teenage years, K-9 puppies used to be promoted to K-10s, of course. Unfortunately, nobody liked a name without a pun in it so now they call them “K-Nos.” They’re German Shepherds, you see…
If you could have anything for your birthday, what would you choose? We’d certainly ask for this exact bouquet of puppies. Look at those adorable little soldiers. We want them all.
It might look like that is a crest on his back, but there’s actually a real sword hidden underneath it. They don’t mess around when they train K-9 units these days. Not since that one guy kicked a floof in his snoot.
LOOK AT HIS TINY SHOES! LOOK AT THEM! AND HIS SUPER HAPPY SMILE! TELL ME THAT ISN’T THE CUTEST THING YOU HAVE EVER SEEN! TELL ME SO I CAN BEAT YOU DOWN!
You can’t teach an old dog new tricks. You can, however, get an old dog who knows loads of tricks to teach a new dog the old dog’s tricks. Know what we’re saying?
*Whispers* “If you ever try and take my vest again, I will boof your snoot so hard. I will bork, grrr and yip you until you pee a little bit.”
“I’m sowwy officer. Pwease don’t boof my snoot. Only gots one snoot.”
These may look like K-9 units, but it’s actually the infamous Barker gang of London. They’ve just been picked up for prowling and, between them, are facing several years in the pound.